Recently I reviewed a book called The Candy Store War. There was a character in there that I didn't go into depth about named John. I still don't want to give him away but I will say this: John was once put under a spell. It worked something like this.. if he broke someone's leg, his leg got broken. If he shot someone in the shoulder, his shoulder felt the shot... get the picture? Good..
With that in mind I think this same spell should be put on Doctors.
Maybe no Surgeons..but general doctors. You know.. the ones that send you for all sorts of tests because they don't know what's wrong with you.
Maybe they would think twice about putting you through some of the things one has to go through for tests. You know, so you could skip those that most likely are NOT going to show what's wrong. Because I do believe they put people through unnecessary tests just for the insurance money. (sorry, but it's how I feel)
I think it would be nice if when a doctors says.. "oh let's do a catscan". That why you are forced to drink 32 ounces of that ugly stuff called barium, that they to get the feelings like you feel while doing it!
Granted one doesn't have to drink it all at once... but still. Have you ever had to drink barium? heh..
Now they flavor it. Oh yes! Now they say, "oh but it tastes like bananas!"
Let me tell you something. I like bananas. But this stuff does NOT taste like bananas! Unless you want to consider how a rotten banana tastes, all slimy and gross.
So Wednesday night I drank 8 oz of banana tasting slime followed by 8 oz. of water. My instant thought was: I hope this stuff stays DOWN!
This began my dreams that the doctor should feelwhat the patient feels.
When I woke the next morning (after being awake half the night). I had to drink another 8 oz of slime followed by 8 oz of water. Did I mention that I can't even drink a cup of coffee down? I'm a sipper. It takes me about an hour to drink a cup of coffee!
A half hour passes and I'm to drink 8 oz of water. Already too late to say it's a saving grace.. my stomach is as close as I want it to be before barfing.
Another half hour passes. I drink 8 more ozs of slime and 8 oz of water.
Ok.. now it feels like it's creeping back UP my throat. I continue to swallow saliva in hopes it will not explode! I am to take the last 8 oz of slime with me to the catscan place and drink it there. gawd help me!
By now I really want the doctor to have to go through this with me. After all, it's only right that they REALLY know how the patient feels, don't ya think?
They take me in the back for the catscan. I have a nice looking young black man for a tech. (cute accent too!) He tells me to take off my bra.
Do you really know what you are asking?! I'm 63!
It's been ages since a bra is NOT a NECESSITY! Do you really want to see this????
The Tech walks away. (he was smart after all!)
He walks me to the room where the scan is to be done. I am still carrying the 1/2 bottle of barium. I told him I am supposed to drink this before the scan, and he goes to get me some water. When he returns I try my best to smile at him without saliva running out of the sides of my mouth from the I'm about to toss all I already drank into your lap feeling I am having.
I managed to squeak out a warning.
If I drink this, there's an EXCELLENT chance you will get to see both bottles of this stuff really quickly... do you have something I can keep near me in case this all comes out like a volcano?
He smiled at me. (he really was a cutie).. I can tell he's thinking about what I said. He excuses himself for a moment and leaves, only to come back again.
You know, he says.. I really think we can do this without you finishing the barium. (told ya he was smart!)
I smiled back at him, as I wipe the slobber from the corner of my mouth..
I think that is probably a good thing, I said.
He told me to lay down on the part of the machine that would move me through the scan and once again gave me his most winning smile as he told me : this will only take a moment or two.
Well dang..(I thought) not much different than when I was married.