There's always and excuse...

I am tired.

It's already 3:30 in the afternoon here and I just finished editing book 2 of my story. Well, not a real edit, because I don't know what I'm doing lol.. but I am trying to make the words flow better. I'm more then sure it needs a lot more fixing then I could ever give it. I've been pushing myself to do this because I'm hoping in the end it will keep me going so that I can begin writing another saga for my characters. But.. I'm really tired from being in front of this computer so much each day and now I have book one to do which is the longest of the three.

I probably shouldn't even bother since it's nothing worth ever publishing... but I like my characters so much that I don't want to let them just disappear from my mind. I'm sure that sounds ridiculous, but it's how I feel. I also have this "thing" about my story.. I want it to look and read the best it can be. I'm so hell-bent on this issue I'm afraid I'll ruin it instead of help it.

I really wish I knew more on how it's supposed to look. I scan over books I've read but I also know that's not how it should look if they aren't "real books". Such as: all my writing is "justified" ..this is because that is how it appears in books I've read. Yet I've read that it is easier to read if it's NOT justified.

I've spaced my lines by one and a half (so of course I've read they should be spaced 2 full spaces..sigh) I also know I tend to use too many commas, but Word spell check/ grammar check had few it stops and suggests a semi colon rarely.

Fortunately ....or not (heh) ...no one can tell how I write by my journal... I know I write in my journal as I do in IM chat.. which is: type fast, leave typos, use no punctuation or capitals lol. (and we won't mention the fact that if I use my computer to type a "snail mail" letter that I forget some of those I am writing to have no idea what abbreviations like "lol" mean! heh.. gawd, it may well be that this computer is not be such a good thing at times!

Anyway.. even though I know what's coming as I read thru the chapters, I still cry at parts that are emotional to me. You'd think by this time (having written it and reread it at least 4 more times) that I'd get over it! But noooooooooooo.. I sit here trying to see thru the tears and fix what little I can.

I wonder if I will ever get to a point where I finally say, "that's it... I know that I can't fix it anymore"? When in reality... anytime you reread something you've written you will change some things. No telling if it makes it better or worse, it's just when you read it, you are in a different place then you were when you wrote it. Now that I am 62 I wonder if I will still be trying to fix it when I'm 72?!

How does one know when "enough is enough" when you are the only one reading it?? (ok so a few others have read it.. but not anyone who would know what is right or wrong with it.. other then a typo)

I'm sorry my journal has been taking the brunt of my being so tired from all of this.. but it's either put up some photo's or talk about what I'm doing, which I don't want to bore anyone with by mentioning it all of the time... so.. just 38 more chapters to go and maybe my brain can go somewhere besides "Kesterwood Forest"!! Just know that for now it's in a really great place..

Hang in there please!!