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Location: Vero Beach, Florida, United States

My name is Pat and I live in Florida. My skin will never be smooth again and my hair will never see color. I enjoy collecting autographs and playing in Paint Shop Pro.,along with reading and writing. Sometimes, I enjoy myself by doing volunteer "work" helping celebrities at autograph shows. I love animals and at one time I did volunteer work for Tippi Hedren's Shambala Preserve.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Maybe things will be better tomorrow..

I've been sitting here thinking. I wonder if how I first felt about the journaling that I was doing on aol will ever return.

I'm more settled now, but I still feel like things just aren't right and i'm not really sure why.

I'm pondering what i should write about.I think I've divided my life into sections that could have memories to write about.

From birth to age 20, I lived with my mother and brother. (until he went in the Air Force)

At age 20 I married and for the next 26 years I wasa wife and mother to two boys.

At age 46 i was divorced and off to live in California.
The following 10 years I spent there and for thefirst time took some time to begin to "think of myself" for the first time that i could remember.It was a time when i became friends with the Kelleysand they were in my life very promenently.

When work dried up I had to move back to NJ tolive with my brother.
When i first arrived, although he had a stroke years before and was paralyzed on his right side he did everything anyone could do with two hands and two feet. But only weeks after I moved here he had a heart attack and bypass surgery. He slowed down alot from that.. then he gained alot ofweight and slowed down even more, until now he is having trouble even standing.

When I moved here i had high hopes of taking careof myself. Dealing with depression, anxioty and stress so that i might feel like I was worth something. That didn't happen..

So, at times i sit in front of my journal and wonder what to write. I don't want my constant feelings of myself to show in my writing, at least not on a regular basis. Heck.. I wouldn't want to read constant depression, so no one else should either.

I wish aol hadn't brought me back down to my "normal low level".. it wasn't all their fault of course ..but it sure took more of a toll then it would have it my life wasn't as it is.
Maybe things will be better tomorrow.

3 Comments:

Blogger betty said...

hope you are feeling a bit better today :)

betty

12:58 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

I understand all TOO well! As you know, depression hits me rather regularly. I hate to "moan and groan" about it my journal too. I feel like no one wants to hear all my bellyaching. Yet the pain can be rather intense at times, and it helps to have a good friend be there. If you ever need to talk, please turn to me, because I can totally understand what you're going thru.

love, Anna

8:29 PM  
Anonymous John said...

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12:22 AM  

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