Tuesday, November 15, 20051:04:44 PM EST
Feeling Frustrated

There are Bad Days.. and Worse days...

I am trying hard to contain my emotions and feelings right now, so please take whatever I say with a grain of salt. Do not take what I say here in the beginning as a complaint, it's not meant that way. It's simply a fact of my life. I am in no way saying this for pity, but more I need to explain why I am in the mood I am today.

I live with my disabled brother and his "mate" David. Due to the circumstance that I am "old" and through it's illegal to not hire someone because of age, I can assure you that was my situation. So.. I live here. I try to stay out of their lives by staying in my room when I am not needed to wait on my brother, or do some housework or cook or serve them in anyway. I do this intentionally so that I am as little an interruption to their lives as I can be.

I put it upon myself to take fewer baths so that I don't use a lot of water which they pay for. I wear clothes more then once so I don't have to do laundry more then necessary, again so that I don't use water or detergent that they buy. And I try to make myself invisible and not interfere in what life they have of their own.

I do not drive as I am on welfare and can't afford insurance, or the gas anymore!
This pretty much locks me into a very small room alone. This computer is about the only thing I treat myself to so that I have communication with the outside world and don't feel as alone as I am.

I have been with AOL from the beginning.. my first "hand built" computer. I had called a few companies, none of which seemed to connect me to the Internet, each saying that my modem was not working. AOL connected me without a problem... I stayed with them for that reason alone, in the beginning.

As years went by I upgraded AOL until I hit version 6, where I remained until I got this new computer, which came with AOL 9. I still have the old computer and still like version 6. Though 9 has a lot of good things going for it, today I think they went one step too far when the added the "ads" on top of my journal. (and yours) I was already "upset" about the ads on my email box, thinking to myself that I wished they hadn't done that since I consider my email... personal. I understood the other ad's since I know that is a money maker for AOL, or any other provider.

Now they invade yet another very personal area... my journal. Atthe moment I am so upset I am honestly considering deleting all my entries and giving up on thinking that any part of AOL is really "mine".

Long ago I purchased Office 2000.. gee.. no ads.. even after all these years. I've paid for AOL... and at least up to version 6 I was reasonably void of commercials and ads. I am no longer a happy camper.

I guess I understand the need to make money... don't we all? But, it might be nice if there were a way that once we are forced to see the ad that we could "hide" it as we hide and unhide comments to our journals.

I guess I get emotional each time "I get no choice" in matters, especially when I am paying for the privilege.

Kinda funny now... the first Ad I get is for Bank of America. (someone up there really dislikes me!) Bank of America.. I know these people. They bought out the bank where I have a very small checking account. I kept a whole 200.00 in this account for the soul purpose of proving I live in this state. On welfare I don't exactly have money to splurge. The bank I was at was very nice. They never charged me for the account... they just let me have that 200.00 sit there and not use it and not have to put more money in. Then Bank of America bought them out. "There will be no changes" came the ad thru the mail. The 2 months later a letter comes in the mail and guess what? If I don't keep a balance of 500.00 in there at all times, they will charge me 12.00 a month!

Once again the poor get poorer. Once again if you aren't rich enough to keep 500.00 in their bank doing nothing you aren't worth having as a customer. Gee, thanks Bank of America.. I needed someone else to point out that I'm not good enough for your company.
Why do I not think I am alone on that point? Many people working very hard are barely making ends meet. The live paycheck to paycheck, they can't afford to let 500.00 sit and do nothing! If they did it would be in a savings account earning interest!
ARGHHHHH.. I am so upset. I really don't need more ad's in my life. Maybe it's time to go back to writing in a journal no one cares about but me anyway.

Sigh.. ok.. I'm really sorry for this entry but I needed to get it out of my system. Hopefully, I will get past how I feel before I delete all my entries and try to forget the J-Land existed for me.

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant"

I've used this saying before... but today I feel like the hydrant.