My Photo
Location: Vero Beach, Florida, United States

My name is Pat and I live in Florida. My skin will never be smooth again and my hair will never see color. I enjoy collecting autographs and playing in Paint Shop Pro.,along with reading and writing. Sometimes, I enjoy myself by doing volunteer "work" helping celebrities at autograph shows. I love animals and at one time I did volunteer work for Tippi Hedren's Shambala Preserve.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Some Free Advice..

Only 13 Shopping days left!!....


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where
they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year
but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories
in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole
point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make
a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.
Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with
skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort
to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots
of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have
as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of
each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have
more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with
the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is
just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and
"WOO HOO what a ride!"

Happy Holidays


Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL, LOL...Very Funny! These are great tips, especially for getting the express train to that 'hrave' you spoke of!

12:17 PM  
Blogger Stewart Sternberg said...

I'm going to memorize these and play comet at the next know..flare through the mess with a tail behind me, brilliant while there and leaving an impression in my wake.

8:01 PM  
Blogger Skittles said...

Can we come spend the holidays with you? lol

11:54 PM  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

Amen Sistah!!!

I miss Christmas parties.

12:39 AM  
Anonymous micki said...

First I must apologize to you for misspelling your name;I got called to the MAT for that one. I Love your tips; I am a huge eggnog fan, I prefer it with vanilla ice cream and Old Granddad from a blender; but I will accept it plain. Also, I love the idea of camping out the best cookies area;I also can't tolerate fruit cake;I don't go to many Christmas parties, except every one I am invited to - never crash one, which is also a helpful hint because it's shocking how tis the season to be jolly is missed by many a Host; while not on the receiving end of hostility for being an uninvited guest, saw it happen & it wasn't pretty. Thanks for the tips, and please forgive me for the faux pas, DELSILLY

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Micki said...

ME AGAIN! I still got it wrong: DESLILY. Sorry. And what part of Irvington are you from? I lived in 2 locations: once on Tichenor Terrace and once on Garwood Ave; neither site was a place to invite feelings of "HOME". Once again, I'm sorry. Enjoy the holiday, especially the parties! Micki

8:48 AM  
Blogger DesLily said...

Micki.. well, we will have to have a talk with "he who doth protest too much" lol.. didn't bother me in the least! I even answer to "hey you!" lol

I live on Berkshire Place 2 blocks off of Chancellor Ave. It was nice back then.. I could even put the baby in a stroller and walk to Valley Fair! (back then!) I wouldn't now if i lived there and I won't walk alone here in Orange either.. old ladies are a good target for purse snatchers.

8:58 AM  
Anonymous micki said...

Thanks, & I'm in favor of chatting with "he who doth protest too much". I can't blame you a bit not walking alone in those areas; I love Valley Fair and I won't even visit unless something specific is there that I want. It's a sad commentary;reminds of that commercial where an Indian Chief in full headdress is surveying what once was his land, now a garbage infested plot, & a tear is falling from his eye. I grew up in Newark and even the riots of the late '60's didn't do as much damage as what's happening now.

9:52 AM  
Blogger DesLily said...

Micki.. I guess I will never truly understand. I grew up "piss poor" and still am.. but if we (when i was married) didn't have the money to paint when the walls needed it.. we washed them to keep them clean. When something broke and we couldn't afford to replace it, we mended it as best we could. Our home was always decently clean because that's how we wanted to live.
I don't understand those that don't TRY to keep things as nice as possible. It may not be as much as we want.. but it is ALL we have!
The same applies to entire neighborhoods... i guess it's easier to join in rather then fighting things.
I lived in Irvington until about 1979 (about 13 yrs) I saw too many changes even then... I guess i just wonder why people stopped caring.. or never cared in the first place.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous micki said...

I think several factors contribute: there was a time - maybe 15-20 years ago, when a woman would wash the same pair of underware/panties/bloomers by hand just to have a clean pair;we spoke in another BLOG about learned vs common sense vs compassion vs example; if a person never sees,or is taught, or has no appreciation for a clean wall/sidewalk/floor, etc. though it may disgust us, can we blame them?

12:12 PM  
Blogger DesLily said...

Micki.. learning at home is a biggie for sure..but somewhere along the line most must see the difference in filth and some cleanliness.. be it home, school, church, relatives, neighbors???? (or even television!)

It's not so much "blaming" anyone.. i guess it's how one see's whats there or not there.

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Jeff said...

These tips are exactly why people make New Year's diet resolutions!

5:47 PM  
Blogger Asara said...

Awesome tips, des :)
I especially like the one about potatoes (I'm addicted to potatoes), it's right-on! :)

8:15 AM  
Blogger Melli said...

(((((((((HUGE HUG!))))))))))
I LOVE this post!!!

My sister actually sent me this list of advice mannnny years ago -- but I haven't seen it since -- and it is SUCH GOOD ADVICE! I'm SO glad you posted it -- and I'm sO glad I got over here to refresh my memory before it dropped off your page!

And the MOTTO is the BEST!!!

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heeeeeeeeeyyyy, "he who doth protest too much" can hear you two. (anonymously)

8:29 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home