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Location: Vero Beach, Florida, United States

My name is Pat and I live in Florida. My skin will never be smooth again and my hair will never see color. I enjoy collecting autographs and playing in Paint Shop Pro.,along with reading and writing. Sometimes, I enjoy myself by doing volunteer "work" helping celebrities at autograph shows. I love animals and at one time I did volunteer work for Tippi Hedren's Shambala Preserve.

Monday, November 06, 2006

... but it's not real.

Is it possible to get obsessed over a place that isn't real?

I worried about this for some time when I made my computer wallpaper (actually one of many). Below is a piece of my desktop wallpaper. It's part of how I vision the land of my story I wrote. "Kesterwood Forest". In the story there is an old man, Abbercorn, who's looks would remind me alot of Ian McKellen as Gandalf, and so I used a small picture of Gandalf to represent Abbercorn. And a white owl, who's name is Rhys.

As I was dinking around with the pictures to do this wallpaper, I worried that it means too much to me. Then I thought some more and realized that I know many people who have pictures of Star Wars and Star Trek and Harry Potter on their computers... so, maybe I'm not so crazy after all?

Sometimes I look at the picture and find myself staring at it. Wishing there was such a place and such a man as Abbercorn. I realize it's called "escapism", and I find that I do it as much as possible these days. I'm just not sure if that's a good thing or not.

I think stress and anxieties are ruling my body (at least I hope that's what it is). Even when I write in this journal or in an IM to a friend , I find myself making sooooooooooo many more typo's then I did not that long ago.

I don't know if it's because my mind isn't 100% on what I'm doing or if i'm really loosing more brain cells then I imagine for someone my age.

So at times, when I return to my wallpaper I sometimes just have a good cry... and other times I find my mind wandering thru that particular Forest hoping to run into some of the characters I wrote about . I find it comforting. I wonder if others that have fantasy places and people on their computer do the same thing... is it possible that it could be just me?


Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I surely understand making lots of typos...with me I think it's something that I have always done because of the way I type---the one finger method, very very fast..----BUT, I do believe Pat that stress and anxiety make it worse...Don't be too hard on yourselfd, you have a lot you contend with from what I can understand, with your brothers health situation...

8:13 PM  
Blogger Melli said...

I have this problem every time I READ a really good book! I get LOST in it. While I'm reading I forget completely the world that's going on around me... and only the world in that book is real! And I think that THAT is the glory of a good story! So it doesn't suprise me AT ALL that the author of a story would feel that way about his/her own made up world!

As for the typing and typos -- I think if you have a lot of stress going on, you probably are just not concentrating very well and that would account for all those typos! Orrrrr... you could just be like me and be a lousy typist! ;)

9:28 PM  
Blogger Skittles said...

Don't we all have places we escape to mentally from time to time? I don't think there's anything wrong with that!

The backspace key is the one I use most often.

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Jeff said...

I don't know where you are in matters of faith, but I think God built this "escapism" concept into us so we can stay focused on things of him (read: heaven). For those of us with devout faith, we do not have fictional places that we escape to, but to our eventual home. Of course, there are fun escapes in places such as Kesterwood Forest, Narnia, or even Rigel II, but we pine for heaven.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Asara said...

I lose myself in a good book to relieve stress also, usually in a nice hot bath. That, or I sit and stare at MY wallpaper, which is a lovely shot of Orlando Bloom from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I lose hours of my life that way ;)

12:30 AM  

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