Morning thoughts..

(photo borrowed from Michael Weis blog site)

Whelp... figure skating went about like if figured it would. Sigh. Cohen fell, like she does so often. I can say I feel sorry for her because i know how it is not to be "consistant".. at least when it comes to "consistantly being good". I've never conquered it and it looks like she won't either. I did dare to hope that after her short program she might get lucky and pull it off, but yet ... something inside me said it won't happen. Maybe because I can relate ..
It's hard to tell if it's an emotional thing or not. It could be something from her childhood.. something or someone who made her feel she would never really succeed. Something she has in the back of her mind, that never goes away. I hope that's not it for her, but more and more I think it may be.

It's a strange thing how something, even said in passing, could be something to stay with one forever. It's happened to me, and probably you if you think hard enough about it.
Once, when i was young and about the age to get a drivers license, i was in a car with a friend. He was talking to me about driving, trying to be "instructive" and "helpful".. he said one of those things I've never forgotten or gotten over. He told me, "when driving, just imagine that the person in front of you, in back of you, and on each side of you, is about to do the stupidest thing in the world, and be ready for it." Actually.. it's good advice. The problem is, when i got around to driving (many years later) That stayed in my mind. I hated driving, and I always arrived home, with white knuckles. I'd be so tuned into "what's going to happen?" that, no matter how hard i tried, I never liked driving, and stayed afraid of it any time I drove. Strange.. how good advice can turn against you sometimes.

There was another that has never left me, and most likely was the start of how i feel about myself even today. "Never good enough"... Would you believe it was a teacher?.. yeah, a teacher. It was the first male teacher i had in 6th grade.. but what he said to me was said in my senior year of high school where I had him again for Civics class. I was never "great" in history of any sort, but being my Senior year I hit the year with a vengence to do good and come out better then i went into it.

The first 6 weeks (a marking period) passed. I knew I didn't do great on the one and only test he gave, but he said that was 1/3 of the grade.. another 1/3 was a term report, and another homework grades (both of which i would get A's or B's) and that if you did something for "extra credit" that would help also. Ok.. so i didn't go good on the test.. did get A's and B's on the other two thirds AND got an A for an extra credit thing i did.

It was the year they stopped giving plus's and minus's .. I got a C (average).. I went to him, and asked if it was a "high C" even though they stopped giving them out.. I just needed some encouragement to try harder.. the words that left his lips have never left ME..
"You were a C student in 6th grade and you will always be a C student".

He proved his words when i never took another test in his class (receiving F's) but still did homework, and term reports (A's and B's) and extra credit, and still received C's. In other words, I didn't learn a darn thing in his class from that time on... and I've never excelled in anything. (no consistancy.... like Cohen and her skating)

Don't get me wrong. I don't believe in lieing to a child and saying something is over the hill great when it's not.. but i DO believe everyone needs encouragement for one thing or another..

And so.. instead of feeling disappointed in Cohen.. I feel sorry for her. I hope the day comes she conquers whatever it is holding her back.. holding her from the proof she seems to need to say just how good she is.